weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
