You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
