No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
