Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
