She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
