WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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