I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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