we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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