Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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