I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
