I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
