I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
