My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
