tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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