The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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