I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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