If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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