She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
