Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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