Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
