Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
