i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i dont even know how to be here
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
