before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
