She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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