A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You're like the curious george of whores
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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