Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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