Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
