Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
