I just cut my nipple shaving
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Also, beer. Big fan.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
