Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
