theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
