dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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