dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
