sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
