Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
