did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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