You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
