She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
