i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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