too bad you live with your parents still
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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