last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
