I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
