I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
