this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
