I skipped work to stalk him.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
