I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
