I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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