We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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