but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
