She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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