So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
